


Memories

by Caliborth



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, Incest is mentioned but never acted on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 16:26:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6964267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caliborth/pseuds/Caliborth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some insight into Natalia's life, as she is trying to make her life change for the better by working on her emotions and relationships.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction is serving to get some memories out of my system, pun intended.
> 
> For those who are confused by the use of human names:  
> Natalia/Natasha= Belarus  
> Yekaterina/Katia= Ukraine  
> Ivan/Vania= Russia  
> Elizaveta= Hungary  
> Wanmei= Taiwan  
> Lukas= Norway  
> Mikkel= Denmark
> 
> Ask if you're confused by someone else, or check the wikia!

It was a cold night, but lying next to her sleeping brother, comfortably huddled next to him and under a big blanket, Natalia felt warm and secure. Times were better, and now they were young adults and all sharing this big mansion, they had no need to sleep all together for warmth like they did before, but sometimes, Natalia felt lonely and liked to come sleep with her big brother or with her big sister. She was listening to her brother’s breathing and appreciating his comforting presence while trying not to think of anything, so she could fall asleep too. She had recently come to the conclusion that it was better if she tried not expressing her emotions, or as little as possible. She had always been kind of uncaring, so to some people, she could easily pass off as emotionless, but the truth was that her emotions were violent and vicious, and controlling them was better said than done. But her relationships with people, and with her brother were getting absolutely nowhere, she felt stagnant, and unable to get truly close to someone. She longed to form a close bond with someone, but she felt rejected by the one she truly cared about, and also by herself when she was rejecting others by harsh words that she had trouble containing when she was talking to people. 

Of course, her sister was always here for her, even though at times, Natalia felt like she didn’t understand her and was ever disapproving. But Natalia knew in her heart that it wasn’t true, and though her sister sometimes failed to find the words to soothe her, she knew her best and was the one that Natalia trusted most. She also trusted her brother, of course, but there was some distance between them. Firstly, he had a social network of much more importance than her, who didn’t care to befriend anyone ; secondly and most importantly, she could sense that the way she had acted with him up until now had put some distance between them. She didn’t want this of course, and would do anything to change it, and for this reason, she had decided it was best to hide her emotions. Emotions were definitely always getting in her way. Maybe if she learned to stop overthinking so much, maybe she would feel much more peaceful about everything. Silence was better. Silence made her feel peaceful.

The following morning, she had a visit from Toris. Like always, she had woken up pretty late, much later than her brother who had already gotten up and left the house. She lazily got up and got some light breakfast, just a cup of strong coffee with no sugar, and a piece of bread. She could hardly eat more in the morning. That’s when her sister walked in, and announced that Toris had come to see her and was waiting in the living room. Natalia asked her to tell Toris to wait, and quickly went back upstairs so she could change. She didn’t plan to go anywhere today, and would have preferred to lazy around in her pajamas, but she didn’t like the thought of being seen in such clothing. She put on a pretty black dress which was a bit frilly with white ribbons at the shoulders and at the collar, along with a white bow in her hair. She rubbed her face a bit in front of the mirror, brushed her teeth and quickly brushed her hair (she had terrible bed hair in the morning), and decided she looked good enough. Then she went down and greeted Toris.

He looked happy to see her and not at all inconvenienced by the waiting, good for him. Toris was close to her family, of course, so she wasn’t bothered that he had to wait, and also he knew her well enough to know that she always got up pretty late, so really it was his fault. He looked like he was in a good mood and complimented Natalia on her dress. He said he wanted to take her get a drink or some food somewhere downtown, because she had been spending all her time indoors lately and it was worrying him. Natalia didn’t see why not, and actually felt like getting some her, so she accepted. She left with Toris. 

Natalia and her siblings were living in a big, white mansion a bit far away from the city, but you could easily and fastly go there anyway with a car, and so Toris drove the both of them in the city. He parked the car in a parking lot and they walked a bit up to a coffee shop that Toris knew. The weather was really nice. Natalia disliked most types of weather, and mostly preferred winter when it was snowing heavily, but she appreciated the warm temperature with a light breeze, along with the rarity of clouds in the beautiful blue sky. She was not cold at all in her dress, despite its short sleeves, she thought it was a beautiful late spring day and was so far happy of her decision to follow Toris. Toris offered to pay for her drink, which she was grateful for, firstly because he was the one who had invited her, and secondly because she didn’t like spending her money on something like that and felt like it was wasting it. She got herself an espresso con panna, which is a warm coffee with chocolate in it, and a lot of delicious whipped cream on top. Her drink was served with chocolate sprinkles on top and a speculaas biscuit. Toris ordered a more plain tall latté which also came with a biscuit. At this point she was feeling pretty at ease because of how delicious her drink was, and didn’t act grumpy with Toris, which was kind of breaking her rude habits.

« I’m glad to spend some time with you », he said. « It’s the first time in a while, I think ? »  
« Yeah, it’s nice. Thank you. »  
« I know you have a tendency to introversion and I get it, I also like to stay all by myself sometimes. I’m just afraid that sometimes, you might get lonely. »  
Natalia thought he didn’t really understand it since he was actually always hanging out with his friends, as far as she knew, but she appreciated the intention anyway.  
« It’s not that bad by myself. It’s better than to be in bad company, I think. »  
« I just want you to know that I am your friend, and I will happily spend some time with you. »  
« You don’t have to take pity on me. »  
Afraid that it came off rude, she gave him a smile which she hoped was convincing enough to make it pass off as a joke.  
« Of course not. You know, you have a reputation to be very strong, and I mean it as a compliment when I say that nobody would pity you. »  
Now she definitely took that the wrong way, but she smiled because she was secretly proud that people were scared of her imposing personality.  
« I know. Do people really think that I am heartless, though ? », she said smiling more… « No wonder that I don’t have many friends. »  
« I think you have more friends than you realize », said Toris matter of factly. « People are more benevolent than you think. And you know I consider you my friend. »

Natalia suspected that Toris was this friendly to her because he had a crush on her. She didn’t know if he still had it, but he had asked her out in the past before, and never really stopped being friendly no matter how rude she would get sometimes. She could appreciate this, and actually secretly regarded him fondly and treasured his friendship. Toris let her get a sip of his latté, and had one of her drink, luckily enough because she was almost finished. 

They left the coffee shop a minute later, and agreed to walk around the city a bit and maybe visit a few stores for fun. Natalia kept thinking that she would have liked to find a small present or her brother, or maybe even her sister. She was thinking more along clothes, because Katia was consistently low on money and had trouble finding clothes that fit her, so she would definitely appreciate a new dress or a nice summer button up shirt. Maybe something white, with pretty light blue dots. Or a sunny colour, maybe bright yellow. And she remembered that Vania mentioned wanting a new suit. Everything was rather pricey, but she took some mental notes. Later in the afternoon, Toris bought some cheesecake and juice in a supermarket, and they sat in the grass, in some park. Natalia generally despised cake, but she had a soft spot for cheesecake and was delighted. The juice was also welcomed after walking so long. The wind had stopped and it was getting really hot. 

« Hey, funny walking into you guys today ! »

Toris and Natalia looked up and saw Elizaveta, grinning upon them. She was accompanied by Wanmei, and they both looked like they came back from some intense shopping, judging by the amount of bags they were carrying. They sat down with Toris and Natalia, and asked about their day. Toris was in very good terms with Elizaveta, with who he hanged out a lot, also with Feliks. Natalia liked Elizaveta a lot and secretly admired her, and sometimes she would hang out with her and the other girls. Elizaveta was very fond of girl outings and organized them a lot. She also spent a lot of time with Wanmei, her best friend. But she was also very popular with the boys, and was all around well liked by everyone. Natalia didn’t know Wanmei very well and never saw her outside of Elizaveta’s company. 

« Natasha, you should come to the party I’m throwing tomorrow evening. It’s gonna be awesome, everyone will be here. »  
Everyone meant probably every girl that Natalia knew, and the boys of Elizaveta’s social circle : Gilbert, Vash and Roderich of course ; Toris, Feliks, Eduard and Raivis ; Natalia’s brother, Vania ; maybe even more. Natalia hoped Alfred and his clique wouldn’t be there, as she strongly disliked them, especially Alfred himself. But that guy was also famous for inviting himself to every party known to him. What an asshole.   
« When you say everyone, you mean… everyone everyone ? »  
« Oh my house can only take so many people… At least the regulars will be here. Maybe Lukas and his boys, they haven’t confirmed. Oh I hope Mikkel will come, he’s such fun to be around ! »  
« I don’t know... »  
« We haven’t seen you in forever, I’m sure everyone will be thrilled to see you. But you don’t have to come if you don’t want, of course. I think it would be really good for you to see some people, though. But I see you’re out today, and I’m very happy of it. »  
« Can I ask my siblings if they want to come too ? I think Katia would love it. »  
« Oh yes, of course, please do actually ! I’ve meant to ask them, but I haven’t seen them around so I was just gonna phone, but if I can count on you to tell them, that would be even better ! »  
« Sure, I will do this. »  
« The party will be around 8pm, but you can come whenever you want. I doubt it’s gonna finish before dawn, if at all. »  
« Do your guests sleep at your place, or do they go home when they’re tired ? »  
« No no, there will be alcohol so I’m keeping a room for people who want to sleep. I’m asking people to come with their beddings if they can, but Gilbert said he’d come with three sleeping bags already so I’m sure it will be just fine. »  
« I might just come then. »  
« That would be wonderful. So, are you guys going to go home anytime soon ? »  
« I don’t know, » said Toris, « I’m having fun right now, though maybe Natalia wants to go home. We haven’t eaten for noon yet actually, and it’s already pretty late... »  
« Us neither… Maybe we could go somewhere and eat together » suggested Wanmei, who had kept mostly quiet before then. 

And so they all got up in search for a café. Despite having just ate a cheesecake, Natalia and Toris were actually starving. It was close to 3pm and their cheesecake didn’t make a proper meal. Natalia just hoped eating out would not be too expensive. They found a nice café and went to sit outside because it was definitely too hot to go inside. Toris, mindful, offered to pay for Natalia’s meal, but Elizaveta cut everyone short and said she was treating everyone. Natalia wondered where all of her money was coming from, since she was often prone to such bouts of generosity, and she thanked her politely. She got a steak with french fries and a glass of lemonade, and ordered a cheesecake for dessert because the one she had before had left a taste of not enough on her tongue. Toris had a salad with fish and a glass of coke and Elizaveta also had a salad, but with a steak like Natalia’s. She saw one on another patron’s plate and thought it looked delicious. She also had a glass of coke. Wanmei wasn’t very hungry and ordered a slice of pizza with salad and water. All of it was delicious and Natalia could eat all of it, but everyone else got too full for dessert. They talked a lot over their plates, over various things, especially Elizaveta and Toris, sometimes interrupted by Wanmei who was passionate for the right topics. Natalia was enjoying eating too much to talk, and also wasn’t feeling very talkative. She seldom felt in such mood, actually. 

Elizaveta and Wanmei then went home, it was too unpractical walking around with all their bags, and also they had to prepare the house for tomorrow. Elizaveta asked Natalia again to make sure that she would invite Katia and Vania to come. Natalia and Toris then did some more walking, and visited many clothing stores. Natalia had decided to get her sister something nice to wear for the party. Elizaveta had mentioned that it wouldn’t be anything fancy, but still Natalia knew Katia would want to go and would greatly appreciate something to wear. Toris thought it was a nice idea and gladly offered to accompany her. Of course, he wouldn’t have just left her since they had come with his car. Natalia had trouble finding a dress for her sister that wasn’t too small, but she knew her size very well and finally settled on a very nice orange dress. The dress was sleeveless, fitted at the waist with a large ribbon, and fell down to the knees. It was perfect. Natalia had it packed like a present, and Toris and her decided to go home. He drove her to her mansion, and they went in for a last coffee for Toris. 

Katia was here and welcomed them and asked about their day. Natalia gave her the present.

« Elizaveta is throwing a party and is inviting us and Vania to go. I thought you would like to go, so I got you a dress. »  
« Oh no Natasha you shouldn’t have !!! »

She opened her present with excitement and observed the dress with a wide grin. She hugged Natalia tightly.

« Thank you so much !!! I can’t wait to try it on !!! It looks so beautiful, I love it, thank you so much. When is the party ? »  
« It’s tomorrow night at 8pm. »

They all sat down in the living room for coffee together, talked about their day, and then Toris left and drove home. Katia then tried the dress on, it fit perfectly and she looked gorgeous. She was extremely happy and so Natalia was happy with herself for this idea, too. Ivan got home soon after, and was told about the party. He wasn’t sure whether he would go, but he said he was happy that Natalia had spent some time with Toris today. Natalia suspected that he wanted them to end up together, but she wasn’t seeing herself give him the satisfaction. She didn’t see the appeal of dating anyone… Well, almost anyone… 

She went up and browsed her wardrobe, looking for something to wear tomorrow. She wasn’t sure, and decided to wait until tomorrow. She wasn’t really sure if she really would go, after all. She wasn’t sure if she would feel social tomorrow. After all, she felt like it today, but for one social day, Natalia often had 20 antisocial ones. And her wardrobe, while more furnished than her sister’s, wasn’t anything exceptional either. She layed a bit on her bed reading, and then was called by Katia for dinner. She had a nice dinner with her family. Katia made Vania talk about his day, and the two of them mostly did the conversation. They were in a good mood, especially Katia, though Vania seemed a bit tired. Katia asked Natalia to do her make up tomorrow, to which she agreed. After the dinner, Natalia changed into her pajamas and continued her book until rather late. She then went to bed, thought about the day, the party of tomorrow and various other things but quickly fell asleep, without feeling the need to sleep with her siblings for comfort.


End file.
